A Fringe Quickie (#428) with ‘B*TCH EAT DOG’

Questions answered by Melissa Carter.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

The show stars a satirical tradwife named Felicity Groundwater, a full-body burlap puppet with 10+ titties, who breastfeeds the audience. I plan on walking the streets of Edinburgh in this monstrosity, handing out choco chip cookies and asking “Do you want some milk with that?”

Q2: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

Our musician, a puppeteer/clown who goes by Crazy Hard Stuff, introduced us to the call and response: “DO WHAT THE LITTLE GIRL IN TEXAS SAID, FUCK EM IN THE HEART”. So now before we go onstage we huddle, pound our chests and shout “FUCK EM IN THE HEART! FUCK EM IN THE HEART!”.

Q3: If your show suddenly developed a massive ego and became the biggest diva in the 2026 Fringe, what absurd, hyper-specific item would be mandatory on its dressing room rider?

In our show, a uterus throws eggs (real ones that have been filled with thickened water) at the audience. Draining them is a humbling process: poke a small hole in each and blow into it til the guts ooze out. If we developed an ego, our intern would be eating a lot of omelets.

Q4: If all the shows running right now were at a massive Fringe house party, what is your show doing?

I once hosted a party where the theme was ‘paint with your genitals.’ I imagine that this would be the theme of every party B*TCH EAT DOG attends.