A Fringe Quickie (#390) with ‘Patriautism’

Questions answered by Geoffrey Asmus.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

I dont plan on using any desperate marketing tactics. If people have any sense they will flock to my wonderful show. And I think the British people have a whole lot of sense and are the smartest people on the planet. So in essence I will be pandering to nationalism.

Q2: The Fringe is horribly expensive. How are you financing this run? Did you remortgage your house, sell your granny, or start an illicit side hustle?

I will be selling MDMA and gear on the side. The Brits love the powders. And whatever the Brits want I will offer. I will be pandering to British whims at every turn.

Q3: All shows will have their tough days. What sophisticated self-care strategies will you employ to survive?

I will listen to wonderful British music like Oasis, the Kinks, the Who and that Sam Fender fellow. Because no one makes transcendent art like the British. The British are superior in every artform and us pitiful Americans beg for but a crumb of their talent.

Q4: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

I sit in a dark room and chant “God Save the King” for hours until I almost convince myself that the British empire is still intact. The sun never sets on the empire or my show. I love Britain and I hope the British government will allow me to stay once Fringe is over. Please.