Years in the making, composer & lyricist Kath Gotts and book writer Maureen Chadwick have set their eyes on the West End with an all singing, all dancing, sass-fuelled adaptation of ‘Footballers Wives’.
Choreographed by dance doyenne Arlene Phillips and directed by the in-demand Anthony Banks, there’s no doubting the show’s ambitions. So, will ‘Footballers Wives: The Musical’ bring the lasting commercial success Gotts & Chadwick’s ‘Bad Girls: The Musical’ flirted with back in 2006?
The answer is…maybe.
If it doesn’t catch on, it certainly won’t be down to a talented, invested cast who sing and dance their hearts out. In the lead, as scheming club captain’s glamorous wife, Tanya Turner, Ceili O’Connor nails the show’s tits & teeth glamour, but more importantly, finds a little Lady Macbeth grit to give her depth as well. It’s a superb turn.
Having such a charismatic anti-heroine in the lead makes everything so much better. No shrinking violet she, far, far from it.
This Lady M is out to save her filandering husband, Jason’s career, their marriage, and to stave off the attentions of lecherous club boss Frank Laslett, played with swaggering pervy pomp by Matt Rixon. You certainly wouldn’t bet against her, or her dangerous (and hilarious) housekeeper.
The plot trots along very nicely, making the 80-minute runtime slide by unnoticed, as she navigates a world of shallow friendships, quasi-necrophiliac nurses (a great turn from Gillian Kirkpatrick as Nurse Dunkley), and a husband who struggles to keep it in his pants. As musicals go, ‘Footballer’s Wives: The Musical’ enjoys a richer, funnier, and glossier script than most. I’d take this script over Moulin Rouge: The Musical any day, for example. It’s much, much more fun, rife as it is with cultural excesses plucked from the border of Loaded Magazine and Hello!
New Age Gurus promise self-realisation to the lasses, whilst the lads paint the town red. None would ever be caught dead outside of designer togs: suits for the boys, mini-skirts for the ladies. The makeup is always on point, the grooming immaculate.
You’re never far from an outrageous plot twist, or from another demonstration of Jason’s punchability. Bravo to Matt Beveridge for making him quite so believably self-congratulatory. Balancing out the scheming and skullduggery, we have the struggles of nice-but-swayable new signing Ian (Oliver Evans) and his sweet other half, Donna (Leesa Tulley), plus the airy antics of Chardonnay (a hilarious India Chadwick) and her nice-but-dim prince charming Kyle (Tom Bowen). Like I said, this show has plenty going for it, book-wise.
“…Ceili O’Connor nails the show’s tits & teeth glamour, but more importantly, finds a little Lady Macbeth grit to give her depth as well. It’s a superb turn.“
However, the score, whilst delivered with aplomb by Gemma Hawkin’s compact band with backing track, lacks a genuine earworm. The song’s dominant theme, ‘Who Who Who?’ certainly makes a strong opener and reprise to close, but it’s akin to big numbers you’d enjoy opening a Royal Command Performance, only to forget when the opening act appears.
You can gloriously choreograph the most extravagant numbers, which this musical does, but if the hook isn’t there…
The closest we come to a big number is Tanya’s defiant ‘Don’t Lose It’ which O’Connor nails with big, brash vocals. I’d also give a silver star to the rather lovely ‘Lonely Moon’ duet, opined by northern girl out of water, Donna, and closeted soccer import Salvo (Leonardo Vieira).
But would I put the soundtrack on a playlist and revisit it as I would Hamilton, Wicked, or even Dear Evan Hansen (however problematic the plot)? Probably not. As indicated, though, the score isn’t without promise or, indeed, competence. If Gotts can hit on just one earworm anthem, it’ll be enough to catapult it into a genuine big-stage threat. ‘Everybody’s Talking About Jamie’, for example, rests heavily on ‘He’s My Boy’ to carry a well-produced, but average score.
As it stands, ‘Footballer’s Wives: The Musical’ nevertheless offers a cracking 80 mins of deliciously improper, extravagant, comedic musical fun.
Show details
Venue: Venue 20: Assembly Rooms, 54 George Street, EH2 2LR (Google Maps)
Date(s): Wed 30 Jul to Sun 24 Aug (25 shows)
Time(s): 6:35pm (80 mins)
Age recommendation: 12+
Price: From £15 (concessions available)
Get tickets
By
By
