Questions answered by Azaelia Slade.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

I’ll be seen by everyone in the streets, but not ready to share my secrets 😉 However, if you fancy any ‘free drugs’ look out for the lady in pink with pig tales.

Q2: The Fringe is horribly expensive. How are you financing this run? Did you remortgage your house, sell your granny, or start an illicit side hustle?

You don’t have to remind me, I managed to successfully cut off both my left arm and right leg to sell on the dark web. Started the bids at £8k, I’m hoping to find a buyer soon.

Q3: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

I have to do a million wee’s, well that’s a bit of an exaggeration, it’s three actually, but three separate wee’s, in three separate toilets. I guess going to the bathroom is quite normal, but not three times in a row, that’s a bit obsessive. I’d just hate to wet myself on stage.

Q4: If your show suddenly developed a massive ego and became the biggest diva in the 2026 Fringe, what absurd, hyper-specific item would be mandatory on its dressing room rider?

A tiny spoon,hand mirror & a microwavable plate.

About the show

This Is How I Got Arrested (after smuggling drugs across the border but never actually getting caught with any drugs)

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Bailey Edwards.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Keep an eye out for a dog crate with a pair of legs sticking out of the bottom running around the Royal Mile.

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

There are seventeen grapefruits in the show, so it’s gotta be a Paloma.

Q3: If you brought this show home for the holidays, how would your parents react to them?

“No, no, not again. We just got all the stains out of the carpet from last year.”

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

How the hell did they get that all into the dog crate?

About the show

Play Dead

Date(s): Previews week (Fri 31st July to Thurs 6th Aug) • Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by George Oliva.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Taking it to the street. Spreading the good word that there IS no such thing as a bad dream. Dreams are a gut-endorsed heads up from you to you. When that connects, you stop sleeping through your dreams and use them to your advantage. Outside to inside. Follow the metaphor.

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

A nightcap, of course.

Q3: Cancel culture has finally come for your show. What sins has it committed?

Just one. We embrace an acronym that spells a word that few dare say in public. We don’t do so lightly. It just happens to describe the origin and essence of every dream. We don’t just embrace the word; we sing a hymn to it. With nice harmonies. Hey, we don’t want to burn.

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

Hopefully, with a new way to wake up so they’ll remember their dreams. When they do, how to figure out what caused them, and what they mean. It’s as fun as Wordle and more rewarding. Easy-peasy once you know. And our audiences will know. It’s symboler than you think.

About the show

The Language of Dreams: A Crash Course

Date(s): Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Arden Fitzroy.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Start celebrity beef. Be legendary, not desperate! Two options: 1. Pope Leo. I could do the Vatican. But could he do the Fringe? Your move, Papa. 2. Ralph Fiennes: trial by combat for the role of Cardinal Cvntvs. Or, we simply go up on alternating nights. Your move, T-Law.

Q2: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

Staring straight into a mirror, haunted by an unimaginable burden, whispering, ‘You’re a manager. Manage.’ There are no normal people in showbiz. BUT they may recognise this from Conclave. They may also know that familiarity with the film is not required to enjoy CVNTCLAVE.

Q3: If all the shows running right now were at a massive Fringe house party, what is your show doing?

CVNTCLAVE would be working the room, becoming your very best friend – all while staying sober, watching every second of drama, keeping every. Single. Receipt. Only to then announce that actually, this is now a lock-in, and nobody can leave until we elect the next Pope.

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

As a full-body religious experience: knees bruised – from prayer and worship, jaw aching – from awe and laughter, mind blown – from seeing God. Accompanying this will be the strange urge to smoke a cigarette, then come again – – to the show, heathen 👄

About the show

CVNTCLAVE

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug) • Weekend(s)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Mark Kydd.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Blackmail and cushions.

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

Gin and It – smooth and bittersweet, with an artfully concealed kick.

Q3: The Fringe is horribly expensive. How are you financing this run? Did you remortgage your house, sell your granny, or start an illicit side hustle?

Shockingly underpaying myself. Also, by residing in the same Edinburgh flat since the turn of the century – planning ahead is everything.

Q4: If you brought this show home for the holidays, how would your parents react to them?

They would think he was a very nice boy and suitable marriage material.

About the show

Our Martin in the Background

Date(s): Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Jess Carrivick.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

I’m going to get inside a giant VHS player and post my flyer through every time someone presses the eject button.

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

A Shirley Temple. Nostalgic, zesty and colourful… with a cherry on top.

Q3: All shows will have their tough days. What sophisticated self-care strategies will you employ to survive?

Go to the beach and watch a seagull steal someone’s chips. Things are better when you see things could be worse.

Q4: If your show suddenly developed a massive ego and became the biggest diva in the 2026 Fringe, what absurd, hyper-specific item would be mandatory on its dressing room rider?

A dentist and hygienist standing by. Too much popcorn is consumed by this show, professionals needed for an IKA (inevitable kernel accident).

About the show

Jess Carrivick: For Your Consideration

Date(s): Previews week (Fri 31st July to Thurs 6th Aug) • Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Noah Xavier.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

We’ve DIYed some protest signs to wear in backpacks around the mile – although they are made of cardboard so if it rains we’re going to be walking around with some very soggy brown mush on a stick.

Q2: Cancel culture has finally come for your show. What sins has it committed?

The first word in the play is ‘fuck’ and there is so much foul language after it that my german uncle came to see it and said afterwards “you know so many new words i did not know. What is a gaylord?”

Q3: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

We roll a twenty sided dice (the kind from Dungeons and Dragons) to predict how good the show will be – I don’t think we’ve ever predicted correctly but when we do it’s going to be truly magical (or truly horrifying if we roll a 1).

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

I’d love for people to think about what change they can make in their communities – standing up, taking care of or even just listening to those vulnerable and often ignored. I’d also like them to think “wow what an awesome show i am going to recommend it to one million people”.

About the show

Brick

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by David Hughes.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

We pledge to solve the cost of living crisis, climate crisis, housing crisis, stop all world wars, end world hunger and poverty and topple the patriarchy if people come to our show. We absolutely promise. You can totally trust us.

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

Whisky, neat and peaty. Cocktails are all frills and distraction, razzle dazzle and pizzazz. We’re here for the strong stuff.

Q3: All shows will have their tough days. What sophisticated self-care strategies will you employ to survive?

Civil rights activist Audre Lord advocates for self care to be an act of political warfare. It’s less face masks and pedicures and more creation of community in the face of systemic oppression. Let’s start start a community garden by composting the rich – you in?

Q4: If all the shows running right now were at a massive Fringe house party, what is your show doing?

Brooding quietly in the corner of the living room, being all mysterious and unassuming. Around 11 it decides it’s time for mischief. Maybe it cracks out some whisky and fat cigars and starts a rumour mill.

About the show

The Ostrich Principle

Date(s): Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Corinne Harragin.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

I’ve been practicing my throat singing

Q2: Cancel culture has finally come for your show. What sins has it committed?

Soulful depth, belly laughs and unabashed whimsy

Q3: If all the shows running right now were at a massive Fringe house party, what is your show doing?

telling stories round a fire in the smoking area

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

the chattabox who transported us without any drugs!

About the show

Troubled Waters

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Gabriela & Izzy.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Door-to-door caroling with doo-wop music and cheerfully threatening tableaus of extreme violence, then flirting with the cops who get called on us.

Q2: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

Synchronized ass throwing while reciting Patti LuPone’s iconic “I am furious, but I am sailing” Instagram post in various accents.

Q3: If your show suddenly developed a massive ego and became the biggest diva in the 2026 Fringe, what absurd, hyper-specific item would be mandatory on its dressing room rider?

At least 4 bags of vegan, gluten free sour gummi dinos available only in select german supermarkets.

Q4: If all the shows running right now were at a massive Fringe house party, what is your show doing?

Strategically dropping morsels of gossip into every conversation to sow maximum chaos and conflict.

About the show

How To Feel Feelings

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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