Questions answered by Ren McAslan.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

I’m really willing to do anything. Having accidentally set fire to my arm during a firework-related incident in 2011, I’m confident I can set myself on fire long enough to draw a crowd, create a panic and, ultimately, beg for people to come to our show. Pretty please?

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

A dirty martini, dirtier than the underside of a New York City bus.

Q3: The Fringe is horribly expensive. How are you financing this run? Did you remortgage your house, sell your granny, or start an illicit side hustle?

We’ve had loads of support via our fundraiser, but I am also intending to finance the thing using money I’ve got from donating plasma.

Q4: If your show suddenly developed a massive ego and became the biggest diva in the 2026 Fringe, what absurd, hyper-specific item would be mandatory on its dressing room rider?

Collagen. I’m 36 and last night, someone thought I was 42. I got sad.

About the show

Woman Seeking Cuddles

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Gyeonghye Park.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Maybe an upcycling workshop. Everyone knows plastic can be reshaped. We believe people can too. If yesterday’s version of you no longer fits, book a ticket for PLASTIC instead.You might discover a shape of yourself you didn’t know was still there.

Q2: Cancel culture has finally come for your show. What sins has it committed?

For permanently raising the bar for live music.

Q3: If you brought this show home for the holidays, how would your parents react to them?

“Why didn’t you bring them home sooner?” Then about 300 questions about how a geomungo can possibly sound like that.

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

You’ll wake up wondering how six strings and a bamboo stick managed to hijack your brain. Then you’ll probably spend far too long on YouTube trying to work out if every geomungo sounds like that, before eventually searching for Minyoung Kim’s PLASTIC instead.

About the show

PLASTIC

Date(s): Previews week (Fri 31st July to Thurs 6th Aug) • Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Alice Keys.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

You can find me playing pianos and singing in stations and airports around Edinburgh in a full sequinned baseball suit. Like Elton. Is this costume in my show? No, it was written out in an early draft. And did it cost £120? Absolutely. Which is why I’m making full darn use of it.

Q2: The Fringe is horribly expensive. How are you financing this run? Did you remortgage your house, sell your granny, or start an illicit side hustle?

I played – am still playing – will play more – Elton John covers in piano bars. To fund a show that tells the comedic story of me playing Elton John covers in bars. Which I do to fund a show that tells the comedic story of me playing Elton John covers in bars. Which I d…HELP

Q3: All shows will have their tough days. What sophisticated self-care strategies will you employ to survive?

Wake up. Meditate. Go for a run in the park. Take dog treats. Entice dogs. Take dog home. Now have dog, no further need for meditation or exercise.

Q4: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

I listen to the Dynasty theme tune cranked up high and move around the room in my best Alan Partridge lunge. This answer is 100% honesty and I’m surprised I’ve shared it here.

About the show

Rocket Fan

Date(s): Previews week (Fri 31st July to Thurs 6th Aug) • Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Limited run • Weekend(s)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Steve Bond.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

We have infiltrated all the real secret societies in Edinburgh, to persuade members of those societies to protest our show for revealing too many secrets, thus stirring up controversy and press attention. Similar tactics have worked well for Andrew Lloyd Webber, I’m told.

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

Anything that is served with a large helping of dry ice.

Q3: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

The whole performance itself is one big ritual. Come for the secret handshake, stay for the the presentation of the secret object, put all your clothes back on at the end please.

Q4: If you brought this show home for the holidays, how would your parents react to them?

They would be concerned. “He seems very resourceful”, they’d say, “but does he have to wear that hooded cloak ALL the time?”

About the show

The Secret Society

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Alyssa O.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Offering myself as a Green Beret wedding guest, I will rescue your dance floor by doing the cha cha slide with your great aunt Eileen and those 30 cousins you’ve only met once, all I ask is that you please bring them to my show!

Q2: Cancel culture has finally come for your show. What sins has it committed?

Holding a seance to wake my 127 year old Great Nonna from the dead, only to make her troll through my Hinge prospects.

Q3: All shows will have their tough days. What sophisticated self-care strategies will you employ to survive?

As an irredeemable theater geek, the most effective way to unwind after a grueling week of performance is by getting myself to a Karaoke bar and belting out Time Warp from Rocky Horror, preferably with a few other theater weirdos who were also virgins in high school (allegedly).

Q4: If you brought this show home for the holidays, how would your parents react to them?

You call this a job? Talking about your lower back tattoos and impersonating medical professionals from three different countries onstage? I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

About the show

The Ally O Show: Married to Myself

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm) • Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Free

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Questions answered by Tom Mallan.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

BRIDE OF HOMUNCULUS, Queen of the Mile, is a towering twerking behemoth of a honeypot, the sexiest handmade object visible from space, a never-fully-inflated bouncyhouse of desire. Let your gaze roam down her until making contact with her sherpa’s single googly eye. Take a flyer.

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

Your bitterest brew of red wine vinegar, a dash of spoiled milk, pickle brine & grain alcohol, thrice stirred in an anti-clockwise direction. A garnish of dead wasps from the windowsill, crowned with a googly-ear-wax finish, served up in a hexjar & don’t forget the tiny umbrella.

Q3: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

After a round or two of zip-zap-zop, we like to bless each show by peering into each other’s eyes, crafting /then setting fire to effigies of our exes, & shrieking: ‘defiler of my heart, betrayer of my trust, from these burnt art supplies reshape them, and so awaken!’ (Confused?)

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

2PM. Awakened by the tempest, head pounding like it’s been concussed by a buttfugly clay bust. There’s someone in their bed:—a googly-eyed pom-pom pile of hotglueness. “Hey cutie,” it seems to bubble. ‘Shit’: pretty sure they shouldn’t have drunk that last bloodmoon potion.

About the show

HOMUNCULUS

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Evening (Between 6pm and 10pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Cara Silversmith.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

I will be wandering up the Royal Mile asking people if they fancy seeing a trauma-laden legendary storytelling show. I have beautiful postcards to hand out and will tell stories on request 😊

Q2: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

I normally wear glasses. When performing I remove them so it’s easier to step through the veil into an ethereal otherworld.

Q3: If you brought this show home for the holidays, how would your parents react to them?

Well. My parents are dead, maybe some of that fed into the show? I think they would recognise some reflections of themselves in it. Might not be a good thing 🤔

Q4: How will the audience remember you the morning after?

The storytelling that sent them spiralling? Depressing, but honest story that they weirdly want to experience again.

About the show

The Dark Pool

Date(s): Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug) • Limited run

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Dale Robertson, Olive McHugh.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Instead of paying £400 a day for a billboard dragged behind a push bike we’re making our own and our sexy 6’4 leading man will pedal around Edinburgh. Also while stocks last, we’re giving out redeemable drink tokens while flyering for the show. If you see us say Hi!

Q2: If your show walked into a cocktail bar, what would it order?

Olive: It would be drinking a bottle of Moet it stole from a fashion party on the street outside. Dale: A full strength coke on the rocks, then straight to the smoking area to top it off with pocket whisky from the off-license.

Q3: Cancel culture has finally come for your show. What sins has it committed?

Olive: HAHA we’re toast Dale: Raised the club of original cancel culture, the Catholic Church I say they without sin can cast the first stone.

Q4: If all the shows running right now were at a massive Fringe house party, what is your show doing?

Olive: They’re the gorgeous one in a fabulous coat, smoking out the window and being the centre of attention. Dale: Or the gorgeous one in a fabulous coat making out with a cute stranger in the bathroom, holding up the queue.

About the show

Broke and Fabulous for the 21st Century

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Alexis Sakellaris.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

A tried and true tactic of mine is handing someone a flyer and yelling “Take this or I’ll kill myself!” They almost always take it and if they don’t, I just say “You think I’m kidding?” and run onto the street!!

Q2: The Fringe is horribly expensive. How are you financing this run? Did you remortgage your house, sell your granny, or start an illicit side hustle?

I wish I had a sugar daddy, but it’s my ACTUAL daddy. My mom, too! They’re doctors in Switzerland, so supporting the arts is thankfully within their budget. Until the system changes and Fringe gets more affordable… It’s tragic, the shows we’re losing cuz artists aren’t as lucky.

Q3: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

I can’t explain it, but the only thing that wakes my body up 45 push-ups. It’s great for my back, weirdly wakes up my voice as well. As a singer, I also ingest LOADS of random shit: every cough drop under the sun, honey straight from the tube, Chinese cough syrup…

Q4: If all the shows running right now were at a massive Fringe house party, what is your show doing?

Since I have 4 shows running this season, I see them as the cunty Brooklyn polycule handing out the shrooms they foraged in upstate New York. They’re hallucinating and want you to get on their level, but won’t pressure you into it. Attractive, annoying, but ultimately harmless.

About the show

A Stan is Born – A Child Star

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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Questions answered by Sims Holland.

Q1: Aside from this Quickie, what is the most desperate marketing tactic you plan on using to get bums in seats this August? 280 chars

Using my children as flyerers.

Q2: The Fringe is horribly expensive. How are you financing this run? Did you remortgage your house, sell your granny, or start an illicit side hustle?

Yes. We’re pretty sure she’s in good hands. And who’s asking?

Q3: We all have weird pre-performance rituals. What is yours, and how confused would a normal person be if they walked in on you doing it?

I sing-shout roughly 3 songs, do an elaborate rendition of The Jabberwock with interpretive dance and guzzle a bag of cough drops. Highly confused and mortified on my behalf.

Q4: If your show suddenly developed a massive ego and became the biggest diva in the 2026 Fringe, what absurd, hyper-specific item would be mandatory on its dressing room rider?

A case of KitKat Chunky bars, we don’t get them in the States. Load me up.

About the show

Learning to Human

Date(s): Week 1 (Fri 7th to Thurs 13th Aug) • Week 2 (Fri 14th to Thur 20th Aug) • Final week(s) (Fri 21st to Mon 31st Aug)

Time(s): Afternoon (Between 12-noon and 6pm)

Ticket type: Paid

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