Review: Jack and the Beanstalk — Festival Theatre, Edinburgh

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So here it is, the last edition of the King’s Panto in exile at Edinburgh’s glorious Festival Theatre before it returns home next year. One thing’s for sure, it’s going out in style, the expansive stage framed in lavish, rainbow style by Set Designer Mark Walters, and glorious lit by Rory Beaton. So before the compact yet mighty band under Andy Pickering starts up, the stage is set for something surpassingly glam, and that’s precisely what you get.

Fans of all-guns-blazing comedy variety will be in seventh heaven, with the reigning triumvirate of Allan Stewart (Dame May McTrot), Grant Stott (Fleshcreep), and Jordan “Hi Ya Pals!” Young (Jack) in fine form, whether flirting with naughty words during fast-flowing word play, making fart jokes, singing odes to horrible giants, or to a long and glorious career in Stewart’s case. Their chemistry is undeniable, and it elevates everything and everyone around them.

Which isn’t to say Clare Gray, Gail Watson, and Amber Sylvia Edwards don’t impress as Pat, the Cow, the Spirit of the Beans, and Princess Jill, respectively. Each is excellent, if a little underused — such is the time given to the panto’s elder statesmen, and the swift 2-hour runtime.

With a little less rush, and another 15 minutes, writers Harry Muchaels & Allan Stewart could give each more time to shine, and to develop the plot overall.

Because, dear reader, much as I enjoyed every minute of this pantomime, there’s very little plot. Oh, the giant still lives in the sky, and a marvellous beanstalk (the mind boggles at the cost) erupts to carry Jordan’s perky Jack up, up and away. Still, despite the enormous puppetry and booming off-stage voice, Director Ed Curtis keeps the spotlight squarely on the song, dance, and gags.

In this respect, Stewart could deliver Robbie Williams’ ‘Let Me Entertain You’ in his sleep, but he does anything but, belying the decades and strutting in heels far, far better than Jason Donovan will when Rocky Horror arrives in town this January. Ably assisted by a cracking ensemble, beautifully costumed (as is every member of the cast) by Teresa Nalton and Mike Coltman, Stewart’s a showman who knows how to please a crowd — and does so repeatedly.

Elsewhere, Watson and Edwards get one big anthem with a suitably uplifting message and leave nothing in the dressing room, and Stott has developed a fine knack for comedic lyricism.

However, villainous ditties and heartfelt calls for courage mean more when a show offers characters to care for and believable strife. In this case, Princess Jill and Pat the Cow — who is indeed sold for beans as required — are on the giant’s menu for about 5 minutes before their rescue. Jack’s entire village appears soon after (expert climbers all), to set about the giant with enormous cutlery.

It’s hard to boo all that hard at Stott’s woefully rubbish giant’s lackey, or to cheer for heroines like Jill who, however refreshingly shorn of love interest duties, seems to exist to be trivially rescued.

The show makes open fun of its narrative shark jumping when Jack and Jill cut down an invisible beanstalk (collapsed since its pre-interval eruption), before announcing the Giant’s off-stage demise. There’s no time to waste, you see, before we dive back into another comedy skit or a song.

This panto has absolute (well-placed) confidence in its gags, whether it’s Stott laying his Hibs-loving ‘Big Tidy’ schtick on with a trowel, Stewart and Young knocking a rise out of him with delightful lip-syncs, or Gray cavorting about as a surprisingly erudite cow. Toss in a rich river of ad-libs flowing through each moment, and the audience will be laughing from start to end. There’s really only one bawdy joke, but it’s an absolute belter.

Indeed, so cracking is the banter rolling out of this no-expense-spared production (you’ll see fewer pyrotechnics at an actual Robbie Williams concert), that you can just about forgive the lack of any meaningful story. This is a dazzling Christmas variety show spectacle, and I’d happily see it again.

Featured Image: Gail Watson, Amber Sylvia Edwards and Ensembe in Jack and the Beanstalk (c) Douglas Robertson

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Jack and the Beanstalk will play the Edinburgh Festival Theatre until January the 11th, 2026. For tickets and more information, click here.

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